sorry to have disappeared.  can take me a little while to generate material sometimes (well, most times actually).

anyway, i tried to give more personal responses to the previous two essays.

and coming soon: a 5-part series about an album project i’ve been working on for two years and am finally ready to release.  [...]]]> hi,

sorry to have disappeared.  can take me a little while to generate material sometimes (well, most times actually).

anyway, i tried to give more personal responses to the previous two essays.

and coming soon: a 5-part series about an album project i’ve been working on for two years and am finally ready to release.  that should be in the next 2-4 weeks (promise!) and when it comes out, it’ll be a combined posting of words + music every week for 4 weeks (another promise!).

the album is called “Pine Barren” and it’s…different.

But I feel I should elaborate, if [...]]]> I have to say I’ve been quite amazed by the response this essay’s gotten.  Amazed and thankful.  One of the many downsides to the internet (and the reason it will never completely take over my life) is its anonymity.  So all this notice has been reassuring to me.

But I feel I should elaborate, if only slightly, on my original topic.

When I stated, “I am not a jazz musician” this was a statement of societal non-identity.  That is, at the heart of it, I don’t care about marketing rubric (not painstakingly so) nor about the interesting, but academic, question of  “what is jazz?”  What I care about is having a group identity and being able to work.  The essay I wrote is the simplest way I could find to say that identifying as a jazz musician fulfills neither of those desires.*

The most important part of my essay (to me) was, “I just don’t feel welcome here.  I don’t feel wanted, needed or necessary to jazz, its traditions or its current culture.”  Certainly while this statement says more about me than jazz culture, it also points to the fact I’m pursuing a fundamentally different path as an Ellington, Mingus, Threadgill or Braxton (never mind the fact that I don’t have a fraction of any of their abilities).  Many (not all) musicians who have abjured the title “jazz” have done so after being accepted or nominated into the community.  I can’t say I’ve felt either of those things.  Yes, I have played with jazz musicians, yes I’ve hired them, yes I’ve studied with them.  So yes, I have been knocking on the jazz door for going on 20 years now.  But no, I’ve never felt admitted to the room.  So at this point, I’m trying to get on with my life.  Call me slow to catch a hint, but I get it now.  Moving on.

And “being able to work?”  That’s why I brought up the whole marketing angle, but I apologize for not being clear enough or succinct enough.  Here’s my straight up opinion on this:  despite what some of my esteemed colleagues believe, I think the Marsalis family, Crouch, et al. won the jazz war.  Jazz is now busily being enshrined and canonized with lots of concomitant onstage demonstrations by some practicioners.  And honesetly?  I don’t care.  The gentlemen I have named have worked very, very hard to win these lexical rights and they care deeply about this word ‘jazz.’  Great.  They can have that word.  I don’t need it.  What I need is work.  I need to be able to quit my day job.  I need to be able to play music for a living. That’s what I care about.  And while your job title can impact your living wage, during these desperate times (and please, let’s not kid ourselves, it’s really quite, quite bleak for many of us right now) clarity of purpose is demanded.  So when push comes to shove, I’m much more invested in actually working than in my job title.

The current version of jazz’s definition that gets any financial support is not

a.  a definition that includes me or many of my heroes.

b.  looks like any fun.

Because when it comes down to it, I still remember what it felt like the first time I came in contact with music that made me want to play, and that music filled me with me immense amounts of joy, passion and life.  It was fun.  And frankly, the music of the recreationists, despite the skill and artistry of its practicioners, does not make me feel the same way.  And most of all, it doesn’t look fun.  I always thought that ‘jazz’ could be a larger umbrella term.  I thought that the generation of people I went to school with could help expand it.  That we could build a bigger room that included the recreationists and …well, myself.  I don’t think that anymore.  So I leave it up to anyone interested to find a label for what I’m doing.  Again, if folks want to call it ‘jazz,’ so be it.  This is all to say that it doesn’t matter to me now.

As one final note, while I’ve been gratified by the response the original posting got, it’s troublesome and sad to me that so many of the musicians who responded essentially said the equivalent of “You tell ‘em!”  What does this say about jazz culture?  We’re so busy trying to bring in an “audience” and to “educate” people, but meanwhile, we seem to be neglecting and ignoring our literal own?  If I’m not the only one having these feelings, then that means there’s a worrisome number of artists who aesthetically feel homeless.  And while the fancy words make this seem like not such a big deal, having so much self-identity tied into aesthetics can lead to some truly self-destructive behavior under these circumstances.  I am both disappointed in and worried about my colleagues.

*[N.B. -  I fully recognize that both of these unfulfilled desires might be completely my fault.  If that’s how you feel, I completely understand.  But I am writing and publishing all these words on the off-hand chance that I don’t share 100% culpability.  Because if that’s the case, my issues are definitely indicative of systemic unhealthiness.]

Assume that I’m no different from most jazz musicians.  This is an easy assumption to make.  I’m white, middle-class, male and spent several years studying jazz-based improvisation.  That is, improvisation based on [...]]]> I am not a jazz musician.  I know, I know, this is earth-shattering news.  But there are some interesting implications to this statement.

Assume that I’m no different from most jazz musicians.  This is an easy assumption to make.  I’m white, middle-class, male and spent several years studying jazz-based improvisation.  That is, improvisation based on what other self-avowed jazz musicians have produced.  I’ve studied both outside of the academy (in my twenties) and in the academy (my late-twenties and early-thirties).  So I’ve seen both sides of that fence.  And oh yeah, I play saxophone.  Even used to own a black leather jacket till someone stole it.  Got earrings left over in my left ear from my teenage years.  So yes, according to the average person on the street in most parts of this planet, I fit the description of a “jazz” musician.

So what does that imply about me that I don’t consider myself a jazz musician?  Well, I must be dissatisfied, possibly disaffected and quite probably suffering from a case of sour grapes.  I won’t argue with any of these implications.  They’re all true to varying degrees.  But again, if I fit the description of an “average jazz musician,” then there must be other people feeling the same way as me.  And if there are other people feeling the same way as me, even a minority, what does this imply about the culture of jazz?

It implies that jazz culture is not what could be termed a nurturing culture.  Yeah, I know any musicians reading this are giggling uproariously right now, but that’s because it’s true.  More importantly, it implies that jazz culture is something that I don’t want to be a part of.  That as far as I’m concerned there’s nothing to be gained by being called a jazz musician.  At least in my case there’s nothing to be gained.  For a member of the Marsalis family, there’s a decent amount of money at stake.  So I understand it’s different for everyone.

And I’m not asking for this “something-that-is-nothing” to be a six-figure salary, or fame or an enormous house or even much of a living wage.  When I started in this racket I just wanted a chance to play.  And now I’ve been fortunate enough to have several chances to play and I’ve realized I really only want the playing to lead to one of three things.

Either:

1. emotional/spiritual compensation

or

2. another opportunity to play

or

3. financial compensation

And occasionally the playing has led to one of these three requisites being fulfilled.  But sparingly so.  Most importantly to me, numbers one and two, the more ephemeral demands, have of late never been fulfilled.  And of late has been when I’ve been the most committed to being a “jazz”* musician., the most committed to saying, “I’m a member of the jazz community” (such as it is).  So if I can’t count on any of these requirements being met, what’s the point of being part of this dysfunctional community?  If there are zero benefits presently, and zero benefits accruing, then it looks like a change of perspective is in order. These are the selfish reasons for not wanting to be a jazz musician.

But there are the practical and obvious reasons too.  The ones that for all the talk, rarely get addressed head-on in a common-sense way.  Reasons like: jazz isn’t cool, that is, it’s not popular with people under the age of forty.  Not really.  Now do I think the music is uncool?  Absolutely not.  Do I think the brand, the label, the name is uncool?  Absolutely.  Medeski, Martin & Wood.  Great band and guess what?  They’re just as often (if not more often) classifed as a jam band than a jazz trio.  And they’re certainly not called a piano jazz trio.  Colin Stetson, incredible saxophonist.  One of the few people playing the instrument that rock snobs don’t call “annoying.”  Guess what?  He doesn’t refer to himself as a jazz saxophonist.  Nor does he tour with self-proclaimed jazz bands.  But I wax anecdotal.  Typing words like “jazz” and “annoying,” “sucks,” “boring” or “stupid” isn’t going to accomplish anything new.  Jazz musicians know this and some revel in being unpopular.  I don’t.

Now I harbor few illusions about this.  I know I have several aesthetic strikes against me in this current time and place:  I don’t sing, I play an unpopular instrument, I like to make up some of this stuff as I go along and I like dissonance/noise/skronk.  So yes, Grammy material I am not.  But fuck it, I never liked much of what the U.S. considers popular.  I still think there are enough “weirdos” out there like me who like what I like that they can help support me in creating a modest life for me and my family.  I just don’t want to be aesthetically ghettoized any more than necessary.  And this is for me the real proof of “jazz’s” unpopularity:  the big U.S. music festivals like South by Southwest, CMJ, Bumbershoot, Coachella, shit, even the New Orleans Jazz Festival, all those festivals will always relegate self-proclaimed “jazz” to side stages.  To hard to find “alternate” venues, to “off” nights.  Now maybe I’ll never make it to the mainstage (ain’t holding my breath), but I at least want a fighting chance.  And being called a jazz musician just handicaps those chances.

Those are the marketing reasons for not wanting to be a jazz musician.  But really when it comes down to it, I just don’t feel welcome here.  I don’t feel wanted, needed or necessary to jazz, its traditions or its current culture.  I’ve met some lovely people and played with some astounding musicians, but none of that stems from being called a “jazz” musician.  That’s just getting lucky.  So hopefully I’ll still find some luck in the future.

So call me a jazz musician if you want.  That’s fine, I can’t and won’t stop you.  Just know that I don’t consider myself a jazz musician.  But unless you’re over the age of 60, don’t call me “cat.”  Seriously, I hate that shit.  The 1950’s happened sixty years ago and even using the term then I suspect would leave one open to being labeled a “square.”

* — Yes, my constant use of quotation marks around the word ‘jazz’ is obnoxious.  But there’s a good reason for this.  I have no idea anymore what a jazz musician is.  I’ve heard lots of definitions, but none of them make rational sense to me.  At this point in my life, all I can figure is that a jazz musician is someone who spends most of their time around other musicians who call themselves jazz musicians.  I promise at this point to stop using quotations around the ‘j’ word.

In the meantime, feel free to chime in on the February, 2011 post.

-  I will spend less time self-promoting.  This includes trying to book my own projects. (because it’s not fun.)

-  I will spend more time playing music, writing music and being with my family (because it is fun).

-  I will spend more time on this website.  This will include posting [...]]]> Some New Year resolutions:

-  I will spend less time self-promoting.  This includes trying to book my own projects. (because it’s not fun.)

-  I will spend more time playing music, writing music and being with my family (because it is fun).

-  I will spend more time on this website.  This will include posting sound-files of current projects. (I don’t like the way it looks and there are things I need to write about)

Events will of course result from this.  One of them being that I don’t think I’ll do a whole lot of playing in public this year.  Despite what some people may think, Ideal Bread experiencing some modest success in 2010 has not resulted in my job as bandleader becoming any easier.  It’s still just as hard (if not harder) to get a show at a good venue (i.e. one that people will drop-by at) and I don’t think I’m any closer to my goal of financially breaking even.  So faced with the same immense task, I’ve decided to take a (indefinite) break.  If you want Ideal Bread to come to your neck of woods, just let me know and I’ll see what we can do.

And one might think that leading a band that’s gotten a little exposure would lead to more side-man work.  But again, I have not found that to be in the case.  The ‘game’ has changed enormously and this tiny corner of music I’m placed in (improvised, instrumental music) has if anything, only gotten smaller.  I’ve lived in New York City for 6 1/2 years now and I would say that 60-70% of shows I do are self-generated.  That is, I plan the music, the rehearsals, pay the side-men, do the promotion, etc.  And the percentage of shows I’ve had to book myself hasn’t changed (as I hoped it would).  and attendance at these shows has not increased measurably (as I hoped it would).  So I’m taking this as a sign from the universe that I need to step back from all this.  Step back and go and do things that are rewarding.  Like actually playing/writing music and being with my family.  If the universe is interested in using my talents as a performer, it will let me know.

As far as this website, I do indeed promise to spend more time on it.  I admit it, light print on a dark background sucks all the moisture from one’s retinas, so I’m going to do something about that pronto.  In addition, I have other things I’ve been working on.  Primarily my own music.  My other band holus-Bolus recorded a concept CD in late 2009 called “Pine Barren.”  I dutifully sent it off to the dozen-and-a-half labels that I was told would be interested and got negative or non responses.  So what to do?  I want to put this music out into the world and I think there are enough people out there who will like it that it’s worth releasing and I actually worked quite diligently on this music to get it right.  So the only thing left to do is post it here in my small section of the interverse.  I might make it available for download.  Still on the fence about that one…but we’ll see.

And finally, to prove my seriousness about committing to this website, for the first time ever, I’ve opened the discussion field below.  Up til now, I’ve been wary of allowing discussions.  But as time goes on and I feel smaller and smaller in this place, I’ve been shedding my fears about such things.  I will check back in quite regularly with joshsinton.com and see if anyone’s been reading/discussing what I’ve been typing.  So comment away.

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